Searching for the Answer to 'How Can I Be Better?'

 We found ourselves trying to keep up with the speed of this age, while the age we live in has to keep up with us. We can access information and education more reasonably and easily. In the time we want to improve ourselves, skip a class, and rise, we are getting away from our souls' step by step. 

During the day, we begin to deal with minor tantrums, disappointments, and feelings of not being able to achieve. Things are starting to evolve in a direction we cannot control. Nobody stops time. Might be we choose to stop ourselves, or maybe we don't. We're starting to stagger. When we want to take a step, we gonna trip and fall. Finally, we begin to ask things from other angles.

Bingo! We see that the things we think we can reach are missing us. There are things we slip through our fingers, and there are times we forgot to live. We have forgotten that we are human, that we are not lifeless.

We want to find where we got lost and fix it. We are struggling, we do not hesitate to get help if we really decide to find it.

I was not shy. The best thing I could do was repair the times I lost with therapy or caress the things where I was lost and move on. I'm involved. I have been going through this process for about 5 months, with my ups and downs.

 It seems I'm really making progress. For the places I couldn't show progress, I'm gonna retain my therapist's wonderful documentary proposal. STUTZ. A great Netflix documentary. I watched, I paused, I took notes, I watched, I paused, I thought, I took notes. I was able to finish the documentary in about 7 hours. Don't worry, it was the average movie length.

Before all these thoughts, my therapist had a book recommendation. In many ways, it made me question bilateral relations. It made me think a lot and made me stray from some of my ideas. I'm undecided on advice right now. But I've read this book over time. It brought to my mind that after a period when I was damaged by bilateral relations, I found Rumi's 'What you seek is seeking for you' phrase. I remember that I was hopeful. This sentence still blooms all my anticipation from life.

Another wise phrase, I heard from a teacher in high school. Some things are not understood when you are young. How in harmony with Rumi's beautiful sentence, how true. 'Not everyone who seeks will find, but those who find are those who seek.'

In short, life goes on. I was looking at the diaries I wrote as a child and laughing, I came to an age where I understood how healthy it is to keep a diary and I couldn't stop keeping a diary. I said Bismillah, saying that I am the happiest if I will continue this here and if there will be anyone who can benefit from my journey.

Here is another inspiration for hope from Chinese artist's painting repaint:

Je Shen - Meditation Repaint by Me